Hilarious One Liners

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A place to buy a piece of luggage? I like to fill mine with mustard, just to teach people a lesson in trust. Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give their vacuum one more chance?

There are three kinds of people: The ones who learn by reading.


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The ones who learn by observation. See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.

Clever one-liners to have on-hand

I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. A friend is someone who will help you move. A GOOD friend is someone who will help you move a dead body. Clinton lied.

A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is. Every day, man is making bigger and better fool-proof things, and every day, nature is making bigger and better fools. So far, I think nature is winning.

Hilarious Short Jokes

There are two kinds of friends : those who are around when you need them, and those who are around when they need you. A celebrity is someone who works hard all his life to become known and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized. A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.

The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. Foreign Aid: The transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries. There are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it and then misapplying the wrong remedies.

Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes, and lottery tickets are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well? I wanna hang a map of the world in my house.

15 funniest one liners from Trigger in Only Fools and Horses

The best thing about living at the beach is that you only have assholes on three sides of you. Canadians are more polite when they are being rude than Americans are when they are being friendly. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.


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  • I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older. Then it dawned on me… they were cramming for their finals. You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him. You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.

    Our funny one-liner jokes are short, sweet and make you laugh.

    The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was. The human brain is a wonderful thing. It starts working the moment you are born, and never stops until you stand up to speak in public. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone. The difference between divorce and legal separation is that a legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money.

    Short and Funny Jokes | One Liners Top | bliscaecattici.ga

    Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel shamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. Insanity is defined as doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results. For those who are confused by simple descriptive names, allow me to be demonstrative for a moment: one-liners are short, witty jokes or remarks. Hope that cleared up your bewilderment. Below is just a microscopic list of the great one-liners that have been written down and said out loud:.

    One-liners have a pretty simple structure, one that you may have noticed while perusing the examples listed above. Generally, one-liners consist of two parts: the setup and the punchline. In order to get the audience to buy in to the joke, make your setup about something that they can relate with, like an everyday situation, a predictable premise, or a common saying.

    Liam Gallagher’s Most Hilarious One-Liners

    And whatever you do, keep it short. But because we know this is a joke, we sit in anticipation of how this concept will be twisted, which takes place in:. But remember, no matter how far you take it, make sure there is a clear line of logic that holds the setup and punchline together. And most importantly, he wastes no time getting to the end of this joke, successfully fulfilling the requirement of a one-liner.


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    • By the way, check out my previous article on taking simple statements literally for comedic purposes:. One of the great things about one-liners is just how versatile they are. And think of the possibilities for one-liners outside of the comedy stage: in casual conversation, in speeches, social advertising, in written anecdotes, and, my personal favorite, pick-up lines to women way outside of my league.

      So now that you know how this foolproof humor technique works, get out there and impress the world with your wit and lack of math skills! Want to be funnier?

      The Best One Liners in Comedy from the Past 87 Years (#1-25)

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